Reply to Mother interfering with Christmas Day visit of another relative. Help!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This isn't about you.  I don't understand why you are so angry on someone else's behalf.[/quote]

She's angry for herself.  OP invited Larla to be part of their family Christmas celebration, and her mother is essentially "inviting" Larla  to do something else instead, and in a way that makes it difficult for Larla to refuse.

Op, what would your mother do if Larla wasn't there?  I wouldn't let her strong-arm Larla on this one.  Arrange for a car, and tell your mom Larla is there to see your family, not be her driver.  If she can't respect that, she doesn't have to come.  [/quote]

THIS is the thing.

Your mom is both manipulating the cousin (b) AND TOTALLY DISRESPECTING YOUR HOLIDAY PARTY.

While it would be great if B could tell you mom to go fly a kite, could you flatly say, "Mom, I don't know if you realize how far away that is and how much of our Christmas celebration would be taken up by this excursion." 
Point it out like a hostess-you have been preparing dinner for weeks, got gifts, planned activities, (blah blah) and the kids are so excited to see "B" (it is all they talk about) but now it looks like she will just be stopping by for an hour or 2?  I'm so disappointed. I also checked on the website of fancy nursing home X and they are having a seated dinner and music. What if you get there and they can't accommodate you? It just feels like you are "undoing" my holiday. 
This isn't about the fact she hurt me and smacked me and screamed at me when I was little. I forgive her soul for that. I just don't understand why you, as my mother, are choosing her over my family on such a special day."
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