Reply to Taking care of elderly parents

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Taking care of elderly parents"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is more just a vent.

My FIL has some serious health issues, basically needs help for many activities of daily living. Its not something my MIL can manage on her own, as she has her own health issues. They are on Medicaid in a very Medicaid-generous state, and get the maximum home care allowed (about 40 hours). We pay out of pocket for weekend care. Overall, my MIL likes living in her state, because her own siblings/friends live there. She also likes her town and what is has to offer in terms of cultural outlets (we are Asian).

My husband (their son) and their daughter (my SIL) both live in really Medicaid-stingy states - states that have a huge waitlist or just give 10 hrs/week - and we live in 'whiter' states - cities where they just don't have the same cultural outlets.  We each live about 3 hours away by flight from our parents and try to visit a lot - one of us visits every month.

However, despite this, they are struggling to keep home care aides coming. I think my FIL's situation is so far-gone, plus he's undergone a huge personality change that has made him verbally abusive. None of the home aides want to come anymore.  There are no-shows all the time, and sometimes my FIL is in bed for 15 hours a day when a situation like that happens. My MIL is starting to feel like she has no choice but to put him in a (Asian) nursing home.

I don't blame her at all; we're not dealing with him on a daily basis, after all.  It might be the best for her sanity. But when I think about him in one of those cold nursing homes, it makes me so sad. On the other hand, neither we nor SIL/BIL are actually equipped to take on a disabled parent full time in our homes. We all work full time, we all have very young kids, we're spread thin as it is.  Sure, we can manage their medications and doctors appointments and cook meals (though this is all stuff my MIL does on her own, happily), but as for physical care where we stand in as a CNA (ultimately the thing she can't do for him)? We' can't leave work to give him a shower because he had an accident or stop breast feeding to take him to the bathroom.

[b]Ugh.... All I can say is, people, take care of your health when you are in your 30s and 40s!! Try to aim to be healthy  in your 60s and 70s, as that is most likely when your own kids are going to be pregnant/having young kids and aren't that available anyway. I know there are some things (actually, many things) which are out of our control, but some things are definitely in our control. Exercise, eat a healthy diet, avoid stress! [/b]

All right, I'm done now.  go ahead and let me have it where you say something mean, dcum. I'm ready. [/quote]

Wait...what? THIS is where you were going with this? I actually had compassion for you as I was reading until I got to that. WTF?[/quote]

+1, WTH?

We do not control everything.  We just don't.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics