Reply to Setting boundaries w/ MIL during pregnancy

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Oh, good grief, she probably thought she was being helpful when she sent you the article and is is using this as a way of connecting.  Why must everyone on this sight assume everything is nefarious and worthy of "boundary setting?"  Sometime an email is just an email and nothing more.[/quote]

OP here-- thanks for writing this, it did cause me to really step back and think about why I had such a strong reaction, and I think it's two things- first, that in my family, no one would offer unsolicited advice about what you should or shouldn't do regarding something as personal as breastfeeding; my mom would be happy to give advice if asked, but her general assumption is that, given that I'm a highly analytical mid-30s professional, I will weigh all the pros and cons and come up with the answer that works for me-- and if I have questions along the way, will reach out to her. So I think there is just some normal this-isn't-what-I'm-used-to stuff that I probably SHOULD just deal with.

I think the reason that the breastfeeding piece bothered me though (and this could be pregnancy hormones, so... I know it may not be rational, but it's how I feel) is that my MIL at no point ever in our relationship has shown any interest in me as a person. When we planned the wedding she did not once ask me anything about my own dress, but repeatedly asked me to engage on hers. She refers to our house as "DH's" house and when they visit and we are all out together will tell waiters/etc. that they are in town visiting their son. Not son and DIL. I know each of these examples sound petty- but it's hard to describe the way she treats me as an afterthought. So when she started emailing about breastfeeding-- after never asking how I'm feeling, or how my pregnancy is going, or what I am planning for the nursery it just felt like once again she was only focusing on me as a source of food for the future grandchild- not as a person in my own right.  Also, when it comes to the boundaries question- that's more because she won't listen to my requests (I made VERY few of her during our wedding planning and she ignored every one)- so if I said to my family "hey, I'm not really comfortable discussing breast feeding" they would totally let it drop. She would tell me it's not a big deal and would keep doing it. The same with social media thus far- just saying "I've decided to keep my pregnancy off Facebook" wasn't sufficient, so I had to explain that I am friends with clients who I don't want to share with yet, and SIL had to intervene as well to help emphasize. (DH helped me deliver the no social media about the pregnancy message by the way- so it wasn't just about not listening to me, it's a general unwillingness to listen to others). [/quote]

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