Reply to How can I kindly tell my brother to butt out?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, your brother is not respecting your boundaries because you have none.  You are not making them clear and you are not enforcing them.

The advice above that you say you will follow is a good one - start filtering much more of what you tell your brother, in terms of what is wrong in your life.  It's not his problem to fix and his instinct will always be to fix it.

The next step is to be simple and clear about what you do not want to discuss any more.  It is NOT RUDE to hold your boundaries, and you can do so in a simple way:

"Brother, I am never going to live with mom and dad again.  Please stop bringing it up."

"Brother, you keep mentioning me going to live with Mom and Dad again.  That is never going to happen.  I am an adult and this is my decision.  It's really not open for discussion anymore."

"Thank you, Brother.  I've got some ideas and I'm working on them.  When I'm ready to talk about it, I will.  I appreciate your concern."

"That's private, Brother.  Thank you for asking but I'd rather not discuss it."

"I can take care of myself, Brother.  Thank you for caring, but I'd prefer to change the subject."

Keep firm.  You can be kind and still be firm.  Do not apologize.  If he will not stop harping on it, you need to assert your boundaries more clearly:

"Brother, I have said this topic is not open for discussion, but you keep bringing it up, and that upsets me.  I'll talk to you another time.  Good night."

"Brother, it makes me really uncomfortable that you keep bringing up living with Mom and Dad when I have been clear that that is never going to happen.  I'm going to head home now, and I'll ask you please not mention this again the next time we get together."

Be clear and firm.

Have you considered individual therapy to work on boundary issues?[/quote]

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