Reply to Help me out with this- new Christmas dilemma

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Help me out with this- new Christmas dilemma"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What does the husband want you to do and the kids?

Stay home?

This is an opportunity to clarify your families value system for your kids, tough lesson or not.

And the problem seems to be that you and husband have differing value systems. He "doesn't take a handout" over family togetherness and harmony and you value family togetherness and harmony over other issues. But then does loyalty to current family trump loyalty to extended family? Or does it not when the issue is a value you do not value.

This is soooo tough OP. I really feel for you. Is your marriage good otherwise?

Your husband paying seems like a non-starter to me.

If you stay home, you will be resentful and if you go, he will be resentful. I guess you have to keep talking to each other until you com ego an agreement that you can both live with.

I'd be VERY tempted to go and take the kids, but that sends such a message of family dysfunction to everyone including yourselves. I just can't imagine not going when everyone else is going - and you all want to go, minus husband. I'd be too mad at him.

What a mess. Too bad a gift causes this much angst. So sorry, OP.[/quote]

This is well-thought out re values.  This reminds me of a situation I know of where inheriting lots of money/property divided siblings--so sad; would have been better if their parents had nothing to leave them.

Yeah I don't think you can go without him because the message it sends to your kids about Christmas and family and togetherness would be bad.  However; it's also giving the stick-in-the-mud so much control.  ugh.  But he sees the trip as symbolic for being bought--that quality is actually very impressive--it's just in this situation it's annoying as hell.  Or, he sees the trip as the IL establishing alpha status and he doesn't want to give that up.

You know, OP, if you can't come to a deal with your DH, maybe you can both agree to flip a coin and whomever wins will acquiesce with no resentment.  That sounds a little crazy but I'm now focusing on the marriage and the resentment. (and the kids and their potential resentment)

Ok a story but it actually relates--my widowed mom was proposed to by a handsome, nice, smart man that she's known for years (fyi this was two years ago when she was 88--it's not over until it's over, folks!)  Anyways she went on about how much fun they have but she has always known him as a friend, going back to when her husband was alive, and doesn't see him in a romantic light.  And commented that "he is worth SO much money, millions and millions of dollars and has no one to give it to!"

Ha at that point my 13 y.o. DD got excited and started begging Grandma to marry this guy, which led to much hilarity and a good lesson for my DD--that even Grandma will only marry for love, not money.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics