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[quote=Anonymous]
To OP: Talk to your DD when she is well fed and calm and not distracted by anything like the need to get homework done etc. Prepare before you talk to her. Explain that SHE might not even realize it herself, but when these episodes happen, everyone around her thinks she's being, well, horrible, when the issue is her body and not her mind. Tell her that you and she are going to deal with this and she's going to have some tasks to do.

Then I think I'd make her see the seriousness of what she's doing to herself by first getting the pediatrician to test her blood glucose levels. Explain that the sudden stops cannot continue, and that if this is medical, that's not an excuse for her behavior but an explanation she will have to work with. I would prime the doctor in advance and let him or her know what's happening and ask the doctor to talk with her (maybe alone, without you in the room, would have more impact) about why she cannot keep letting herself crash and why it's dangerous if it happens over and over.

Then depending on what the doctor says, I'd also take her to a dietitian or nutritionist or whoever is best qualified to talk with her and you and about whether she really is "picky" or instead has real aversions based on textures etc. (yes, it's a real thing, though it tends to be more common in younger kids). Before you go, she can list what she will eat readily; what she is OK eating even if her response to those foods is "Meh"; and what she absolutely feels will make her sick because she's so averse to it. You do need to figure out whether this is about emotional control on her part, or if it really is about food.  Tell her you will work with her and take her to the store to select the right snacks that you, she and the nutritionist figure out, that you will teach her to cook (make her responsible for one meal a week for the family if you can), and that SHE has responsibility but that you have her back. Stock snacks in the car and be crystal clear that there are no more special stops. Let her write up a schedule of the times each day she will have meals and snacks so she is eating at very regular intervals; no skipping; if you have to get permission for her to snack in school, that's actually something you can request if a doctor orders it.

Doctors and dietitcians and lists and schedules might make her realize that this is something to take seriously because it damages her health AND it affects those around her negatively. Make clear to her that "I'm taking you seriously here and treating you like a teenager, not like a kid. We're going to work together to stop these episodes, rather than muddling through each one or making special stops. You are more than old enough to help take responsibility for your health."

I would not dismiss this as a control or manipulation issue alone, though it might have morphed into such an issue -- she knows now that if she is hungry you'll stop the car, and that's a learned behavior she needs to get rid of.  But with  my own DD about the same age, I'd approach it as "You're smart enough to step back and see yourself as others see you, and take some control, but I'm going to help however it's needed."
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