Reply to I'm jealous of my kid's relationship with their stepmom

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I know I'm being petty, but I can't help it. My ex husband married his AP about 5 months ago. She's been in my kid's life for the last three years (kids are 11 and 4), but it seems like since she married my ex, she's gotten really close with my kids. I'm glad that she doesn't mistreat my kids or anything, but I don't like they're becoming so close. For example, I always had my kids on Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve and my ex gets them Christmas Day and New Years. My ex and I were going back and forth because he wanted the kids with him. I told him that was fine and that we could switch Thanksgiving and Christmas. He didn't want to do that because this is his first Christmas as husband and wife and he wanted to start new traditions as a family. I then told him we'll stick with our original agreement. My 11 year old begged me to go with them for Thanksgiving because she wanted to see all of her cousins and that with me it's just the three of us and its kinds of boring and how much fun she has when she's with her dad and the new wife. I agreed to let them go and since then all they've done was talk about all the fun they had with her and thanked me for letting them go and how they can't wait to spend time with them for Christmas. There's some traditions that we have (little things like seeing Santa and baking cookies) and they told me they have activities planned with her and that's what they prefer. [b]I feel like she's slowly replacing me and I don't want that. [/b]Again, I know I'm being petty, but I needed somewhere to vent!  :oops: [/quote]

You need to put your foot down or your ex and step are going to walk all over you.
Stick to the agreement. Tell your kids the truth -- that it's hurtful they don't want to spend the holidays with their mother. [/quote]

Agree with the first part of this.  It's great if it works out for your kids to spend time with their cousins, but your time is your time.  The most important thing for your kids is that they have two parents who love them.  And it's too much of a burden on the kids to choose who they spend holidays with-to many chances for them to be manipulated or to feel guilty for whatever they choose.  You are the adult, just stick to the schedule.  And stick to your rituals even if they are resistant, they will appreciate it when they look back.

And, understand that for many kids of divorce life is always better at the other house-my ex and I both here how much more fun the other house is and how the kid would rather be with the other parent/at the other house.  That talk is not a reflection on you.[/quote]

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