Reply to Letting Go Of " Mr. Perfect."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You are 31.  Stop overthinking things and just get married.  [/quote]

That's the thing if I marry.I really and truly hope it's a one time thing, but it's too early to be considering marriage seriously with this guy.

I think I'm just a little surprised at how different he is from what I thought my ideal would be, and that I still like being around him.

In the past any little thing that bothered me put me off a guy rather quickly, so far that hasn't been the case with him.

I think maybe I am finally growing up a bit and starting to consider what really matters to me.

I mentioned my ex because he was what I thought I wanted and I know of and on for 18 months seems dodgy, but within that time the times we were together it was serious, and  things ended because I realized I could never be  me and be with him, even though he was exactly what I had dreamed up in my younger days.[/quote]

I think you're on the right track, OP.  What you think you want on paper is different than what actually makes you happy on a daily basis.  You may not actually get along with the perfect paper person in real life.  I'll give you a concrete example - I'm very ambitious and driven, a classic over-achiever.  On paper, my ideal person would be as driven and ambitious as I am.  My DH of 12 years is  smart and intellectually curious but not an over achiever, not motivated by money, and does not care about outside indicators of success.  When we were early 20s and first together, I worried about his "lack of ambition" but over time, I see that him being less status-driven than I is probably one of the keys to our success.  We would have killed each other over the years if we were both equally ambitious and driven.

What really matters is whether you get a long on a daily basis, whether he's a genuinely good person, and whether you have the same values/want the same things out of life.  I also think you need an initial attraction (knowing it will fade over time) but that one might be more debatable.  You should be willing to let go of all of the other "paper" requirements.[/quote]

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