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[quote=Anonymous][quote]DS 8 is so much more needy than either of my other younger kids (5 and infant). He does not take care of anything by himself- getting dressed, taking cereal in the morning, tying this shoes, anything. Not even playing by himself. He won't even go downstairs and watch tv unless someone is with him. He yells and whines until you come with him. So basically I don't have a second to myself. It is very rare that I find him sitting and reading or doing anything alone. Right now I put the baby down to a nap and needed a few minutes to get dressed and tidy up after breakfast. Instead he is screaming across the house that I need to come down "right now" to play basketball with him in the basement. [/quote]

From this post and your others, it doesn't sound like you and your DH are 'managing' him.  You talk about this behavior as being 'biological' but there is a huge 'behavioral' component to it. Yes, I know you've worked with a behaviorist but from your posts, you've either not learned what to do or you've done it inconsistently (which is worse).

Although you say that you don't give in to his tantrums, you say "he yells and whines until you come with him".  If you NEVER responded to his tantrums and screaming, he wouldn't do it any more.  And by 'respond', I mean that you not only don't give him what he demands but that you don't have an emotional response to him. His behaviorist says he gets something out of these interactions?  Stop responding.  He won't go downstairs to watch TV by himself, then he doesn't get to watch TV.  Don't allow him any screen time upstairs.  It's not punitive, it's a logical consequence.  Let him yell and scream.

You say your DS can't take care of getting dressed by himself.  Is that because he is not capable or because he wants you to do it?  I will assume he's capable because it would be unreasonable to expect him to do something he needs assistance with.  (My youngest is 10 yo and still can't tie shoes or fasten pants.  He uses Lock Laces and wears pants with elastic waistbands.)  If he refuses to get dressed in the morning, set the timer for 5 minutes and tell him that at the end of that time you will put his clothes in his backpack and he can get dressed at school. Then do it.  Send him to school in his PJs. He won't eat in the morning?  Put breakfast on the table, tell him he has 10 minutes to eat and whatever he hasn't eaten will be thrown out.  Going to school hungry one day won't hurt him.

I get that this is hard and it takes time to change behavior but you don't have to live like you're living.  Get a new behaviorist/therapist and practice what you're taught.[/quote]

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