Reply to Deciding to have kids later- do you regret/ are you happy?

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[quote=Anonymous]Lost 2 pregnancies at 39, had 3 failed IVF's 38-39, DC born (spontaneous pregnancy, huge surprise/miracle) when I was 40.

DH and I have absolutely no regrets.  Ironically, I had done significant writing and research about infertility, childless by choice, representations of mother/daughter relationships for my doctorate.  
I had therefore thought and talked about and even taught LOTS about parenting choices, fertility issues, etc.,.  I knew the risks; I knew the public perceptions; I knew a lot -- everything except I didn't know how I'd really feel if/when I had a child.

Others here have cited the pros -- financial stability, career stability, emotional maturity, experiences with DH and others that I wouldn't trade for the world and that meant I felt really 'complete' about who I was, etc.,.

Others have also cited the cons -- biggest for me was that our parents would not have the relationship with DC that they (and we) had hoped for due to age.  We do have to plan  more carefully for retirement that could coincide with DC's college years, etc.,.  I did have less physical energy, to be sure.

Biggest con is that we didn't have the opportunity for a second child, due to some life circumstances and health issues.  This does make DC (and us) sad sometimes.  Other major con is that we have moved to an area where older parents are by no means 'the norm' (nor are only children) and we get asked lots if she's our granddaughter (DH has completely white hair and we both are decidedly middle-aged).

Overall, though, I am so glad I did not have to live the rest of my life with the 'what if we'd had children' -- i.e., wondering what life would have been like had we remained childless.  The choice has been worth every single thing, from the initial truly hard challenges of infertility to dealing with an infant and aging parents simultaneously to laughing off those grandparent questions.
Best of luck to you, OP.[/quote]

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