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[quote=Anonymous]* You might be on the side of angels with the Christmas Eve hosting. On the other hand since you seem to have so many problems with your extended family, you might not be. 
* If your brother's wife's problems are preventing from ever seeing you/family, that might be problematic unless your family is more cult than family. But this? No. You don't know what's going on with your brother, his wife, or anything. Let this one go.
* Spend what you're comfortable on. If other cousins grouse about how you're a cheapskate, then spend nothing. Realize not everyone's going to be as rich as you (or as saddled with housing costs if you're in the DC area). Folks from out of town think we're made of money. 
* Why are you letting your mother's arrival bother you? That's on her. Just tell her something along the lines of -- do what works for you, here's what works for you, you're welcome but if I can't host you (e.g. she comes on Tuesday) you're on your own. 
* No one will remember this party badly unless something is seriously off (e.g. inviting 200 people and only feeding 40) or you get in a screaming match during the middle of it. [/quote]

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