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[quote=Anonymous]Huge, firm boundaries and lots of talk with my husband about where exactly we're going to draw those boundary lines, ensuring that we're a totally united front again the invasive/obnoxious/toxic family members, and really limiting the amount of time we spend with people about whom we have concerns.

We also have worked hard to build strong friendships with other friends/families with whom we enjoy spending time, with whose kids we want ours to associate, etc...

On more than one occasion I have taken my (young) child or nephew away from my parent who is the most worrisome.  I will physically pick up the child and leave the room rather than allowing my parent to continue to "discipline".  And I have had to shut that same parent down verbally in ways I wouldn't have thought myself capable of doing.  Having a child I want to protect from what I endured has given me more strength - it's easier to stand up for my child than it was to protect myself.

So, I work on not responding emotionally, and having a script prepared for things like PP suggested.  Thanks Dad but I've got it.  I understand what you're saying but John and I have chosen not to spank.  If I need help I will ask for it.  Let me handle this.  I remember you telling me "my kids, my rules" when you were annoyed by Granddad interfering - I think you were right.  Etc...

And I fully expect the day will come when this causes a rift.  When I refuse to allow some kind of behavior and it results in anger, which only escalates when I won't back down.  The day hasn't come yet (miraculously) but it will.  And so be it - my kids and my nuclear family come first.

Good luck!  [/quote]

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