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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It took me over a year to get pregnant with our daughter. I was in my late thirties and married late, but had always wanted kids, and my very large and open family knew this. So when these very well-meaning family members (aunts, cousins, you name it) asked me questions about when were going to have kids, my stock answer was "Well, I guess I'm just infertile." That shut every single person up (not my mom- she was super supportive, thank goodness) and I never had to say it twice to anyone. Never gave a single detail and no ever asked for any after that.

Even though you're not close to your mom, [b]I can't imagine [/b]that you can't say to her "MOTHER, we've been trying for years and I'm sick and tired to listening to you harp on and on about this. We'll let you know if there's any news, and until then, all I want to hear about my family is how much you love and adore us and our daughter." If she says anything else, just say "Stop. You're not helping." and walk away. My best friend's mom is a pain in the ass, and she has serious issues drawing boundaries with her mom, so I totally get that this is hard. All you want though for these people to stop harping on the issue, and you're going to have to draw that boundary or stop seeing them.

Good luck.[/quote]

YOU can't imagine because you had a close and open family and a supportive mother.

You are 100% right that you can't imagine. That's why you shouldn't be telling someone how they can handle a toxic mother who is burying them. [/quote]

Okay, fair enough. But I didn't read the original post as saying her mom was toxic, but that her mom makes hurtful comments to her regarding her struggle with infertility over the years while being ignorant of the full story (or at least an overview).

And yes, I can imagine a toxic family. I've got a fucked up MIL and siblings-in-law who are burying my husband, and me by extension, so I have quite a bit of experience with toxicity, thanks for asking. If OP's mom is well-meaning but hasn't been told that the things she's saying are incredibly hurtful and are pushing her daughter away, then perhaps it's time to make a stand and draw a clear boundary on what is acceptable for mom to say. Thus my advice. OP is certainly free to ignore it if it doesn't apply to her. [/quote]

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