Reply to Effective strategies for getting DH to pull his weight

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sigh.  I have a very similar situation. My approach is to outsource as much as possible and have him do the things he can actually handle that are not time sensitive. Eg he does a ton of childcare on the weekends. He can do some childcare in the evenings but only when I make him do pickup otherwise he just wouldn't come home before bedtime. Basically you have to pick the things you know he will actually do and not screw up. Sorry, I know what it is like![/quote]

I am sure this varies person to person, but can you give me some examples of what he does? When he stays with the children and I say, go on a run, the entire house gets trashed top to bottom, things get ruined (marker all over a shirt of mine or couch or something) and there is literally no contribution to the household, like a meal cooked for later or an errand run, a house project finished, just a major deficit. We were outsourcing a ton for the past year, but the truth is we really cannot afford that. We had a short term cushion where we could throw money at the problem, and we did. It was fairly effective, but it was nothing other than a bandaid, and now that is gone. Back to square one, and I am hating life. [/quote]

Not PP, but my DH's job is to clean up the kitchen while I put the kids to bed.  It works because he is distraction-free, and he has a discrete list of tasks that we agreed on in advance.  Put food away.  Load and start dishwasher.  Wash all other dishes.  Wipe countertops and stove.  Clear and wipe table.  Take out trash if more than half full.  Sweep floor.  And he has a deadline-- 8:30 PM.  I know this makes me sound like kind of a jerk, but it has worked really well-- other than when he is truly ill or not physically present, he has done it every night for about 5 years.  I praise him to our friends and to his parents.

Of course, it only works because he actually wants to pull his weight.  It won't work if your DH is lazy, sexist, and selfish.[/quote]

We tried this, but he inevitably gets about 5 minutes in and then starts surfing. I give the kids a bath and then put the kids to bed and then come down to find everything more or less how we left it at the end of the meal, him staring into his laptop. So for a while we switched, and he started putting the kids to bed, but the bedtime routine, which should be over by 8 regularly takes until 9 or 9:30 and means we have no time to go over any household management stuff, bills, upcoming events, work schedules, (for example two days later I will find out at lunchtimne or after work that he has some event and won't be back til 11 pm.)

Sorry, that didn't post correctly. [/quote]

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