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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'll echo everything the above posters said.

To tell: Yes you need some friends who do understand that you can talk to. I told a few people, starting with one friend who had already told me about doing IUI, so I immediately felt safe. She connected me with others in our circle who had also already confided in her, and we ended up with a small circle all going through the same thing (we all knew each other before, but she connected the dots).

To not tell: What you do not need are people who do not understand IF to talk to. The worst. You'll hear all of the trite platitudes--everything happens for a reason/just relax and it will happen/how about just adopting/use a surrogate/etc. Then you'll hear more judgy, even if unintentional comments. Here are some of my favorites-- ew IVF sounds so gross!/honestly, I just wouldn't have time for IVF I'm just so busy and my career is so important/which one of you has the problem?/I'm sure my husband would love me equally with or without kids.
Also, if you end up going through multiple cycles it can become frustrating that others do not understand the phasing and the significance of each step in IVF. Example-I had a friend who wanted to be extra celebratory after my transfer and insisted on calling the embryos my babies--not really acknowledging that this was still a long shot from being pregnant (and that cycle failed).

So, you must be extremely careful at who you tell. There are other unintended consequences that you cannot mitigate once you let the news out. For example, some people who know are extremely sensitive and make a big effort to shield me from anything I may find upsetting--so I'm the last to find out about someone else's pregnancy, which is actually equally hurtful. My experience with IF has absolutely lead to a level of isolation that is sad, but everything about IF is sad to be honest. 
Good luck and baby dust to you![/quote]

Actually, I've found the opposite regarding pregnancy announcements. With three of my close friends, I was the one of the first to know bc I had been candid with them. They all told me in the 4-12wk range via email/text to give me space to process. They were all very understanding, even when I skipped all of their baby showers and sometimes acted weird. I am so grateful they all independently arrived at this strategy.[/quote]

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