Reply to Why do children of a first marriage get priority over the spousal relationship in a second marriage?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Why do children of a first marriage get priority over the spousal relationship in a second marriage?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm a recently divorced guy, with a kid, who has not remarried yet -- and who has not introduced any dates yet to my son-- so take this for a grain of salt. To begin with, I find the whole concept of priority problematic.  Everybody has needs.  Everybody has time demands.  Everyone wants and needs to feel special in a relationship.  The issue would not, in my mind, be who is more important, but how can we all achieve more and be more comfortable.

Of course, there are conflicts.  But there are conflicts if there isn't a kid too.  Do you go on a work trip?  Do you have a date night or go out with friends?  Do you do the extra load of laundry, even though you hate doing laundry, because it will help your partner be more relaxed? Having a kid may create more conflicts because they create additional demands on your time.  So everything needs to be allocated between 3 or more instead of 2.

I would only remarry someone that wanted my son to flourish.  Not because he's more important, but because I just wouldn't like anyone who couldn't have that personal generosity of the heart and soul toward another person in their care.  I wouldn't respect them as a person.  I understand that my son wouldn't be her biological kid, and the feeling of protectiveness and generosity wouldn't be as strong as for her own offspring.  There is biology to that. But someone that view a strict division betwen mine and hers is probably going to be absolute and unreasonable in other ways too.

I've been pretty bummed out lately that I've had several women that I was interested in dating, who expressed interest in me, who said they didn't want to go out after I mentioned I had a son (in texting before the date).  I guess I should be grateful.  [/quote]

I think many women don't want to go out because of the ex wife, not the child itself. As you can see on these boards, blended families are typically problematic. Any decent woman would want your child to flourish..but not at the expense of their own. And that is the point I think pp's are failing to realize.  The first child should not be prioritized over all others just because they came first. If the family was still together, you wouldn't prioritize the eldest child over the ones that came later. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics