Reply to Has counseling actually helped you cope with a toxic parent?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How is your relationship with your brother's Dad?  I'd put effort into maintaining that tie than the tie with your mother.  He needs you.

I agree, get yourself to therapy.  Having a safe place to vent all this out can help immensely.  [/quote]

It's non existent. You'll be shocked, but the marriage was awful. I am realizing now that my view of him can't be considered objective because so much of what he did and was like was probably in response to being married to a person like my mom. The lies, the mind games, the deceit- I think it would bring out the worst in anyone. But you're right, I have to focus there. I was in town recently for the first time in quite awhile and offered to take my mom out to dinner. I asked her to bring my brother because Iwanted to see him. She brought her newest boyfriend instead. So it's hard to even see him through my mom whereas if I work with the dad he may allow brother to come spend a week or two here in summer. Last weekend she was drinking and my brother asked his dad to come pick him up early, so my mom told him "I'm moving up to Virginia and leaving you behind anyway." I don't want him or his dad thinking I condone that or agree to it.

My husband starts a new job Monday and as soon as we get our new insurance cards I am going to find a therapist. (I don't want to find one right this second when current insurance will lapse on Sunday.) You've all convinced me it can't hurt. Maybe I can get my husband to come after awhile so he can get a better understanding of things. It's hard for him because he says things like "just completely cut her off" and doesn't understand how hard that is to just do. Or "just ask her to stop drinking" as if we haven't done that every day of our lives. It isn't his fault, he was lucky to have normal parents and just doesn't get what it's like. [/quote]

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