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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. The whole storm started when I made him choose many years ago, when I was younger.  [I wanted to give some helpful information without giving a "play by play", so to speak.  (I also do not care to give too much identifying information, for my own reasons).]

That particular instance led to a huge falling out, of course. It essentially set the stage for what would be my exclusion from most family gatherings.  Now, I have grown children, and we must create our own memories (I get it) - just wondering how people in my situation have handled the rejection and what goes with it.

Stepmom and I do not respect each other, so "pretending" everything is fine is not an option.  [/quote]

You are aware you can change this whenever you want, right? [b]Just let it go. You can apologize for your younger self and invite them over for dinner so you can start again. I'm not sure why you can't pretend to like the stepmother. [/b]Find something in common, focus on the parts that are good about her, ignore the parts you don't like. Figure out what your dad loves about her and love that too.

Honestly, I think you are being proud and stubborn, and it's costing you your dad.[/quote]

This exactly.  My stepmother actually gave the "choose" ultimatum to my dad, and he chose her.  I wasn't in his life for a good portion of my childhood because of that choice.  It sucked, but I'm grown and have kids of my own now.  I apologized for anything I might have done as a kid, he apologized for how he dealt with the situation, and then she finally apologized herself after some time passed.  That apology came after I put a hell of a lot of effort into getting along just for the sake of it, even though I was pretty peeved under it all - [b]that is what family does[/b].  [/quote]

What?  Continue to be dysfunctional?  People do not have any need to apologize for behavior when they were CHILDREN, and your father and his wife sound selfish as hell.[/quote]

No, being part of a family means having some compassion and understanding, even when people are hurt.  Try to view things from the other person's perspective.  Try to remember that everyone makes mistakes and that being a parent doesn't make you infallible.  For me, I try to remember that my dad chose my stepmother when he was much younger than I am now and think of stupid things I've made - no one wants to be judged or defined by a single old mistake.[/quote]

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