Reply to How to fix a marriage and get past a crush

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[quote=Anonymous]
	Op, my husband and I were in a situation close to yours. He was involved in activities that I could not participate in (think Freemasons which don’t allow women) and a few other g-rated things that were not designed for wives and/or children. I found someone I was quite attracted to. All this is to say that I don’t think your situation is unique or that you are an immoral person. Here is what I would suggest based on our experience. First, do things as a couple and as a family. Do things you and your spouse enjoy, don’t worry about if your son will “like them” or “be bored”. So long as he is moving around, has stuff to look at, and has parents with him who want to be there, he’ll be fine. Join a religious group that meets most if not all of your spiritual beliefs and focuses on families. Look to see what they do in the community and who does these activities. If they read to senior citizens, see if it’s parents with children or if it’s a divorced dad who only sees his kid some of the time. I’d avoid marriage counceling and spend that time, energy and money on your husband and he on you. My husband enjoys the theater so we go do that. In my husband’s case, we moved to an area that was more family friendly. In our old neighborhood, there was nothing for families to do, no neighborhood pool, no children for ours to play with, the church we joined was more interested in serving the needs of the elderly and divorced, and there were no local parks, just a couple of dinky playgrounds that nobody ever played at. There was way too much traffic for our kids to play outdoors. I think that if you shift your focus from your son and put it back on the family you and your husband will be ok. You may still think the guy you like is hot, but you probably won’t want to act on it because you will literally have things to do on Saturday and Sunday with your husband and child. When you don’t have that, either because the the activities you want to do are not aviable, or your husband isn’t, other people begin to look like real good options. Be open to things your husband wants to do. Cuddle in bed with him, that usually leads to sex. Keep your weekends free so you can spend time together and invite friends to join you v. leaving your husband with the kid and going out separately. If you’ve signed your son up for soccer because that’s what you think you should do and neither him, you or your husband care, just don’t go. It’s better for all of you if you do things you all want to do then watch him pick flowers. You won’t fix your marriage if you spend time apart or “being happy by yourself” in order to have a healthy relationship, all involved parties need to be physically and emotionally present.  [/quote]

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