Reply to Why DON'T you set boundaries?

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[quote=Anonymous]The fallout,  +1.

It often drags everybody else into the fray, people get sick of feeling like they're being pulled in two directions, and then the boundary-setters start wishing they'd just kept their mouths shut because it's not worth it.

It's easy to say simply "let them make their choices. Who cares if they get mad?" But then, for example, your SIL, who you love, starts realizing that MIL won't come to her (SIL's) kid's birthday parties because you are going to be there. And it really hurts the kid's feelings that their grandma isn't at their party. So for the next party, SIL, who loves her mother and is also being guilted by her, has to decide whether to invite you or not, which forces SIL to play the stupid game too, even though she never wanted or felt the need to set boundaries with her mom. You might think to yourself, "oh well, MIL made her bed," but then next thing you know, you're the one being excluded. Not because people are taking sides, but because it's easier than excluding MIL. This is the definition of family drama, and nobody likes drama.

Of course, that's only some families. You might have more level-headed grandparents who won't start WWIII just because you asked them to please refrain from doing XYZ. If you have that sort of family, I can see how you'd wonder why more people don't set boundaries![/quote]

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