Reply to Is habitual lying a part of ADHD?

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[quote=Anonymous]"What kind of lying" should be addressed, in addition to "What is lying?"

Your own truth is based on your perception. A kid with ADHD has difficulty in the intake of information. If information comes in warped and garbled and they act based on that warped perception, then how can you  call it lying?

I have an older brother who lied all the time. 
Now that I have an ADHD kid, I have come to the realization that my brother probably has undiagnosed ADHD. 
Not being able to deal with ADHD from that person's perspective really ruins relationships.

Take, for a recent example: 
My brother was at our cousin's brand-new house, checking out her brand-new stove. 
He decides he'd turn the knob on the stove. He broke it. 
We all jumped on him. What the hell are you doing? What the hell are you thinking? He said "I just turned it and it did that. It must have been defective" 
We say- of course it's not defective. You are lying. You must have done something on purpose to break it. Now why would you do such a thing? 
Moods ruined. Relationships strained. My brother doesn't understand why people are upset at him because it wasn't his intention to break the knob.

Now that I've done so much reading on ADHD, symptoms, and just other "stuff" that happens around it, I've realized these possibilities:

My brother has issues with impulse control. He turned the knob without thinking. 
My brother has issues with brain-body connection. His hand doesn't accurately receive the signal from his brain on how much pressure to put on something. Perhaps this is why he breaks things all the time.
My brother's "lies" are based on his perception- He only turned the knob. I didn't do anything wrong. It broke. Why are people mad at me?  
Then there's the short term memory issue. Next time he comes over to my cousin's house, he would have forgotten that he broke the knob and he'll do the same thing again.

This is the same thing that was happening with my child. We were getting angry at her for not being able to control her impulses. 
My child is medicated. My brother is not.  My child has shown huge improvement with being able to control her impulses, but what has helped a lot more, is that I understand what "lying" may be. It's lying to us, but it's not to them. So it really depends on what you are calling lying.

In our house now, we do not ever accuse anyone of lying. It puts people at a defensive state. Instead, we talk about what may have happened.

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