Reply to Work travel and time away from kids

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[quote=Anonymous]My DH and I both travel a lot (think average one week international trip a month each that implies 2 WEs away). And we have 2 kids under 3.

As others have said, for us it is not about the "evenings having fun with colleagues". My days are closer to The DH in Hawai. Lots of work, the 1h jump in the pool at the end of the mission, or the beer by the pool with colleagues (not friends) doesn't feel like vacation time, just necessary to reduce blood pressure. So if we had no kids, I would def say it is more relaxing to be home.

BUT, we are both clearly aware that it was even more tiresome for the one that stayed home: just the 8 hours of flight time with movies and no kid crying is a break that deserves payback :). It is the no cooking, no cleaning, no interrupted nights plus the possibility to open a book or take a long bath that represent a break.

In your situation that's what I would point out to my DH. I understand his point of view because contrary to us he doesn't get to experience both sides. You are both exhausted and you both deserve a break. Keep that in mind.

My Conclusion : no he doesn't get a WE just because you got one. You got a break because of all the evening/nights/cooking you did on your own and which should be shared (as a SAHP your hours are 9 to 5pm too, like him, the hours he is off work should be shared 50-50 regarding the kids). But don't compare his travel to holidays though, they are not.

Again as others have said: be gentle and smart about those discussions. Negotiate a fair basis, for ex you get a WE break for 3 or 4 weeks of his work travel, and each of you get a WE away with friends every X months. (I would say 4 months personally). So he gets a WE break too but not 1:1. Once you negotiate fair principles, be generous, as generous as you can. It feels great to offer time for your partner to regenerate and it creates a positive dynamic.

Remember, you both feel overwrought and that you are giving 150% of your time. So you BOTH feel like the other is not really pulling off  their weight. That's normal. It will pass. I have 2 couples around me divorcing because of precisely this, such a waste, so sad. All things considered, a babysitter is VERY cheap[/quote]

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