Reply to Help - I need a healthier perspective on getting together with in-laws

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[quote=Anonymous]Thanks for the thoughts and suggestions.  I know my initial post was somewhat contradictory.  10+ years with this family, lots of individual humans = some contradictions I suppose, in addition to my own confusion (hence the reason I started this thread).  I tried to be somewhat succinct in my main frustrations.  To respond to some comments/questions.

I definitely do NOT involve myself in my SIL's criticism of my MIL.  Its just the whole environment of sarcasm and rudeness that sets me on edge. I'm probably too sensitive. Actually, in general I think that may be the source of my biggest issue. Too sensitive, care too much about trying to "fit it."  My perception here (may not be reality) is that the siblings try to plan activities for everyone to do as a group, but at some point one or more people get miffed about something, and then just start doing their own thing and "the plan" falls apart.  So this is why I've been reluctant to plan my own activities.  I don't want to be part of breaking up the party.  But it happens.  Every. single. time.  Lately, some siblings have just started sending emails like "I know we're getting together this week.  I'm not available these specific days or times.  I'm doing something else."  As I've mentioned, its been 10+ years.  I've tried really hard during that time to NOT rock the boat, go with the flow, and try to figure out this family's dynamic.  I just don't get it.  I still don't want to rock boats, but maybe I can find even some space to do things I want to.  Others can come too if they want, or not.

To the fly over country confusion, we tend to spend Christmas with them either in the city DH grew up in, or in a city one of the siblings lives in.  We camp in the summers in random places that are far from airports ("fly over country").  So fly for say 3-5+ hours, depending on lay overs, then drive for 4-5 hours  = the better part of a day and hundreds of dollars on tickets + rental car traveling somewhere that is no better than a state park I could drive to in about an hour from where I live now.   [/quote]

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