Reply to How do you know you're being strung along?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have been strung along, but i'm pretty quick to see it happening and get out.  Honestly, a lot of people don't realize they're stringing you along.  They may like you, they just don't like you enough to take it where you want it to go.  I can't really fault those people.  I would fault a person who actively lies and says, "I want marriage/babies/whatever" but has no intention of doing that stuff with anyone.

I'm a pretty secure person, so if a relationship starts making me feel insecure, I realize it's not good for me and get out.  I'm pretty good at recognizing when something is unhealthy. That's not to say that I won't sometimes sleep with the guy later anyway, after knowing it's unhealthy.  Sometimes I will.  But in those cases, I'm going in with open eyes and it's no biggie.[/quote]

I agree with most of this. Some people (both men and women) just will not let go of one branch until they've got hold of another. I don't think it's fair or healthy, but I also think from their mindset, they assume everyone else does it too. To them, if someone leaves a relationship without their next "opportunity" in mind, if not locked down, that relationship must be absolutely horrendous or abusive or something. Otherwise, you'd just stay until/unless you saw if someone better turned up, because being in a relationship you're happy in is best, but being in one that only mildly dissatisfying is better than being alone. [/quote]

I never thought about it this way, but you're right, PP. The stringing along can be subtle--they're there but not quite there. They always have excuses that seem reasonable. They go along with things to some degree, but in key ways they don't initiate things. That's something to watch for. [b]What's tough is that they won't necessarily admit to themselves that they're stringing you along, so you have to trust your gut.[/b][/quote]

I'm the poster you're quoting, and I think the bolded is the kicker - they don't think they are stringing you along, necessarily. They just think that's how relationships work for everyone, that you're feeling "mildly disconnected" from one partner until the next one comes in and sweeps you off your feet. If that 'next person' hadn't come in, perhaps things would have improved for awhile with the old partner and they would have stayed with them.

I know one man whose relationship history was accurately (and in at least one case, literally) described as "the new woman's coming in the front door, while the old one's leaving out the back" by those close to him, and he was horrified when he heard that. He had never, ever thought of it that way. He was also one of those guys who got very serious, very quickly, with each new girlfriend, always characterizing as it as "what she wanted" while claiming he would have been happy to take it slow/play the field for awhile. He tried to pass himself off as a bit of playboy, while the reality was he couldn't handle not being in an exclusive relationship. FWIW, I'm not bashing men, here - I know several women who do this, too. The men just seem to try/be able to pass it off on "what she wanted" more than women due, because stereotypes. [/quote]

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