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[quote=Anonymous]

OP - Please disregard the poster who suggested going to the SN board as that is totally in appropriate.  I think that you are caring person who would/could be offering advice to any adult child who was widowed - but in your son's case, you are correct that he might benefit from avoiding certain avenues in meeting new people.  I would suggest that you share the general guidance of no major decision for one year so that he can grieve and adjust to the loss of his wife.  See in his general demeanor if might benefit from any sort of grief counseling.

On meeting and making new friendships female as well as male, encourage him to follow his interests that he might have in sports activities and volunteering - but not necessarily just with those with individuals with disabilities.  Becoming involved or more involved with a church of his faith with an active adults program.  Also for you perhaps doing some background research into social groups for middle aged adults with learning disabilities might also provide another avenue of general direction.  In his case who is to say that he might meet and date a woman perhaps with a little strong academic skills in some areas, but who would compliment him as a life partner, BUT remember marriage is not necessarily the end goal of developing friendships and relationships.

Having a young adult daughter with a cognitive disability, I do caution you to not think that your DS needs a "caregiver" to live out his life with if you are not there as he does seem perfectly capable of handling his day-to-day life.  If this were to become too much of a goal or worry for you as a mom, it would not serve him well. What you can do to help ensure his future well-being should he remain solo is to be sure that you set up a trust directed sole to him to provide for him as you see fit.  Additionally, you might work with him to see that he has chosen appropriately in terms of a Power of Attorney and Health Care directive a person to look out for his best interests as he ages.  This might be a family member if he has siblings or even cousin.  If not then, consult your/his lawyer on how best to proceed.  Also, it will help him for you to have a future care plan in place that takes into account perhaps his ability to be able to handle or not handle complex health care, legal and financial decisions regarding you.  What I am trying to say is that future planning for yourself and with your son will also help him as he ages, BUT you can only do so much.  And you sould like a very caring, supportive and not over-bearing mom in the least.[/quote]

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