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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

Please show me where I answered my own question.

OP, I posted that response because I basically have the same ex and so does a friend, but she calls daily when her DD is with dad and he doesn't allow her to talk unless he's had her for several days (which is quite rare). I've given her the same advice: On the random weekends when he actually shows up, don't call. All it does is lead to my friend feeling bummed for half of the day. A child won't be emotionally damaged from not speaking to their mom daily.

My ex no longer does that to me because he knows that I will just not bother to call if I get attitude. He used to do a ton of things that would get under my skin and hurt my feelings, because I allowed him to. I've been called out of my name and in front of our child, told how much I'm hated, treated coldly, etc. I fortunately had a good friend (single father, now remarried) school me on how to avoid engaging with him at all. You have to work on removing emotion from any interactions with him. Don't argue. If there is something that you need to speak with him about and he tries to bait you into an argument, end the conversation. "I see that this isn't a good time to talk so I'm leaving/will talk to you later." It's one of the hardest things to do, but its effective. I initially received more insults, but over time, he realized that I'd changed and so he has too. I actually received an apology last year for all of the name-calling in previous years.

You have to figure out a way to be OK with the imbalance in the parental relationship. He said he would do X and he hasn't. What can you do better with the wisdom you have now? You can choose a better mate going forward, because you understand what your values are more clearly now. You can look for alternative ways to lighten your load (what can be outsourced??). You can assume 100% responsibility for what needs to be done so that when he does actually contribute, its a bonus. You can choose to focus solely on yourself when your DC is with dad and enjoy the break. I certainly do and without guilt.[/quote]

Update: Yesterday I enjoyed my day and did not call once. Well when his Dad dropped him off this morning he began to pick I ask him to please leave. He informed me that I was not a good mother because I did not call and check on the LO at all yesterday. This is what I mean by him. If I call he has an attitude if I don't he has an attitude. As much as it hurt today in the inside and as much as I wanted to scream and yell back it took everything in me to remain quite. Something has to give. This is tiring. 
[/quote]

OP, when the pot calls the kettle black, the kettle just ignores it. Who cares about his opinion? You could have said "I wanted to give you some space. Hope you had a good visit" and then just smiled. You know, that smile you give people who try to cut you off in traffic but fail, or try to cut you in line but you don't let them.

Serenity now![/quote]

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