Reply to 7 year old son crying over missing ex spouse- breaking my heart

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ask him what would make him feel better. Acknowledge that he's sad, but don't act super sad yourself, keep telling him that he's going to be okay.[/quote]

I disagree with this advice.  1) He's not necessarily going to know what will make him feel better.  2) I think it's healthy for parents to share their emotions in an age appropriate way and 3) it's never going to be okay, because it that moment, that kid wants his mom and dad to be together and that is never going to happen.

OP, my parents divorced when I was about 4 or 5, and my ex and I divorced when my twins were about 21 months old.  I think the best thing you can do is to (as I tell my twins) "feel your feels" and acknowledge his hurt.  I think, [b]if your DS asks[/b], that you can tell him it makes you sad too that you all aren't an intact family like others, but that, divorce was what was best for all three of you to remain a good family -- even though you don't live together.

Also, kudos to the poster that said he will grieve throughout his life.  It's so true.  It was tough even when I got married managing my parents and grandparents and some of the politics.  I definitely had moments of - omg, why did they have to get divorced!?  But I would immediately think after that -- why did they even get married!? (my parents are not well suited to each other at all.)

Help him see the positive.  Instead of having just 2 parents at an important event - he might have four.  I really try to emphasize with my twins that even though their Dad and I aren't together and that's a bummer, if we were still together they wouldn't have met their step-mom and her family (who they really like) or my boyfriend and his near age twins (who they adore).  I also point to my own life.  Without my parents divorce, I wouldn't have my four sisters and they wouldn't have 4 sets of grandparents.  It helps them see that the "ideal family", isn't the end-all be-all to what families look like or the definition of familial love.[/quote]

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