Reply to Coming to grips with longterm relationship ending... why so hard?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well it's hard to know from here if your expectations are too high or if she just isn't a reasonably affectionate girlfriend.

Generally butterflies, fire, etc. do eventually dissipate. You can't expect the same super passionate strong feelings that you have the first year to be prevalent for the rest of your life. Relationships generally don't work that way.

She nice to you? Do you guys enjoy spending time together? Is your sex life OK?[/quote]

OP here. Thanks for the reply. No, our sex life is gone. She at first claimed it was because of her (lack of libido). More recently (after a year of me prodding and counseling) she shifted the goal posts a bit and has said it does have to do with her (stress) but also with me (lack of attraction). I've taken care of the physical stuff (we've both gained some weight). I have now gotten back into shape. However, that hasn't seemed to move the needle. I have stopped asking for sex (as I know that isn't attractive). I try as much as possible (yes she will always have a higher level of demand for how clean the house is -- just not my priority) to share in the chores equally. Things are just really really really drab. No fireworks. Yet, neither of us have the balls to move on.

What I don't understand though is this: she knows there is no way we will get married under the current circumstances. However, she simply doesn't prioritize getting the passion back in our relationship in the way that I'm wanting to make it a priority. I've never heard of a situation where an older woman (36 going on 37 soon) after 3 years in a longterm relationship isn't thinking about "where is this going?"... that's what makes so little sense to me. If she isn't in love with me and I'm not the one, why not move on? She says she wants kids and marriage so I don't get why she's willing to waste these years if she doesn't want to move our relationship back to a place where we can move forward.[/quote]

Sounds like she just doesn't want to marry you.  :(

I'm sorry OP, I know that sucks.

Maybe it's best to cut your losses and move on.[/quote]

Very possible, but of the 2 of us she's the one who wants kids and marriage more than me (esp. kids). Given that she's turning 37 this year and I'm 33 what explains the fact that I'm the one who wants us to shake it up and get things good again. She's not asked to break up. Makes no sense.[/quote]

Sounds like she wants kids but she's just not into you enough to panic about you not wanting to move forward.  Maybe she's too lazy to actually change things.  Maybe she's planning on freezing her eggs or doing invitro.

Either way, it seems certain that she's just not particularly into you. [/quote]

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