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[quote=Anonymous]OP, it all depends.

Honestly, I've seen all kinds of marriage situations.  Sometimes the husband has a better deal; other times, the wife has a better deal.

In my marriage, it's pretty break even.  We both give up a little personal space and independence.  And the upside to that is having a partner who has your back when you need, who can, as Leonard Cohen says, take the wheel when you need a break from driving (not the exact wording).

But I married a lot later in life (36, close to 37).  And my husband and I lived together for a loooooonnnnnngggg time before getting married.  So we both knew pretty much what we were getting into, had worked out all of the rough spots before we were legally entangled, and it's an even 50/50 split as far as income, domestic responsibility, et cetera.

I don't think marriage should ever be a "goal."  I think where people go wrong is having as their goal to get married, and then the project is finding someone to fill the slot.

I never had marriage as a goal.  I didn't rule it out, but I figured, eh, it doesn't matter either way.  Instead, I looked for real companionship/partnership.  I figured if I found it, great.  If I didn't, that's fine too.  So I set up a life that I could support on my own.  When I met someone I liked, I dated for a longtime.  Then we lived together.  That's when I found out if it worked or not.

I had a couple live-in boyfriends who just didn't work out.  They weren't even bad guys.  But when you live with someone, you really see how things shake out in a relationship, the roles you settle into, the habits.

And because I was never attached to the idea of getting married and I wasn't afraid to be alone, I had no problem ending those relationships.

I think women get into trouble when they become too fixated on marriage as an end goal.  Instead, they should focus on figuring out what kind of relationship they want.  And they should never fear being alone -- that fear is what keeps women in bad relationships and what often leads them to ignore red flags and marry men when there are clear signs beforehand that it's not going to be a good situation.[/quote]

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