Reply to Women who are the breadwinner, what expectations do you have from your husband?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why are YOU placing EXPECTATIONS on him? Do you plan to give a to-do list? He is on a fellowship which means he is in school. The fellowship pays for his school which is a form of income that contributes to his education which is a foundation for future earnings. Your post suggests that you believe that because you are generating more income currently your contribution is more important. Marriages are a team effort. When you say you had a heart to heart.... does that mean you sat him down and told him you don't think he is contributing enough and then demanded him to tell you what he thinks he contributes? In that case his not giving you an itemized list could be understandable because if he had given you an answer it would have prolonged the fight and my guess is he knew it would end more quickly if he just let you "win" by letting you have the last word.

If you "don't really need him" then leave. If you married a someone because you "need" there services (money, cooking, cleaning, babysitting) then the foundation of the marriage is broken. Often for marriage to work the person needs to be selfless. You do not sound selfless. You sound like you feel entitled because you earn more money than your husband. Underlying your question is a belief that you are owed something. That attitude doesn't work in marriage.[/quote]

NP here. I hear what you're saying OP, but we don't know what OP is going through. I can't bring myself to chastise her, when I remember how I held it down while a grad student. All of that time with "DH" on the sofa immersed in his iPad. It's soul-sucking. Motherhood carries with it a lot of sacrifice, but my own "DH's" abandonment, total lack of involvement in the daily tasks of raising children broke whatever love I ever had for him. I know reading articles and course work is important, but it's no excuse. You schedule your time to make room for what's important, everything that's important. I did, and managed to get my doctorate in 5 years----and gave birth to two children in that time period as well. There's been a lot of talk about mothers being the "default parent." What about when a woman is left on her own to also manage the marriage? It's isolating. Leaves you feeling foolish. And, when you're not simply too tired to think about it, it can make you angry. Understandably so.

It's not wrong for OP to question her husband's investment in their family.
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