Reply to Would you cut ties with friend over her DS's bad behavior?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Not to hijack OPs thread, but I have a related question.

What if your child really likes the other child, how much/do you tell them about why they aren't playing together anymore?

My situation is a bit milder than OPs, I a steering my child away but she really likes the other child and considers her a BF.  We have distanced from the other family (myself included) but it has raised some awkward moments.[/quote]  
Tell them that right now you don't like the other child's behavior and it's best that you don't play together until maybe the kids behavior improves.[/quote]

[b]What? So next time they see each other the child can repeat this? you are better off using something neutral like "they are too busy" or we are, etc.[/b]

As for the OP. you can continue your friendship minus the presence of the children. You just have to be smart about it. I did this with a good friend whose DD literally wrestled mine to the floor with her arms behind her back. I never addressed the situation out right but she was happy to meet me separately and I think she knew deep down that it wasn't a good combination our DDs playing together.[/quote]

This is what I have been doing, I just wonder if there is any merit to telling my child some of the reasons why.  Kids are 8.  FWIW one of the things that BF did is claw my younger son's face, they don't get along so we don't have BF over to the house anymore.  My child will say she likes BF more than her brother and I tell her that her brother is family and BF is her friend and we put family first.  In the example above, it was handled but it, among other reasons is why I don't invite BF over anymore.  [/quote]

I am the poster who said tell your child the truth. If they are 8, then your kid needs to understand that her BF's behaviour is not acceptable and we cannot have her over. Then you need to reinforce that it is a private matter and she is not to repeat what you told her. That is a constant refrain in our house, some things are private and between family. HOWEVER, I'm the kind of person that when kids come to my house, I make it plain what our house rules are. 
I will put your child in time out for acting a fool and I will also let them know that if you do not abide by our house rules the consequences are not being invited over again. It is not always comfortable, but I will tell mom and dad, "I handled it, put Larla in time out to cool off, but she would not listen, kicked the cat, broke all the toys, etc."
And if need be, I have turned down a playdate by saying "hey, kids' energies are not gelling right now, let's try for another time, let them have a break from one another for a bit".
We have become a society too unwilling to have the uncomfortable conversations and end up having kids who do not know how to hear the truth, tell the truth or deal with the truth.
[/quote]

Thank you, this is helpful.[/quote]

You are welcome, but let me add what I find to be helpful in these situations:

Be kind and careful how you  phrase what you tell the parent. If you make it sound like you are giving a heads up about the behaviour and not saying their kid is a delinquent, the other parent is more often at ease and feel like you are in this together, we all are trying our best to guide and lead our kids -- it takes a village.
Also, make it clear that you welcome and are open to hearing reports on your kids' behaviour.
 Something like this is what I try to say, "Hey, just want you to know, Buster had a moment; he kept trying to go out the back door w/out an adult, even though I told him not to 4 times. I had him take a time out for a few minutes, to calm down and collect himself and let him know that I know you do not allow that and want him to follow the rules and be safe at our house, just like he is at home. I figured you would want to know, because I want you to tell me if my Larla has any issues at your place.[/quote]

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