Reply to What to say to friend with Failed adoption?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This happened to a really great couple that I know.  I realized that it is very much like having a still born baby.  They will grieve the loss in much the same way.  I think you just be supportive of them and don't belittle the loss in any way.  They were bonded to the unborn child.[/quote]

It isn't the same thing. It can be incredibly hard, and the potential adoptive parents need time and support in their grief, but a situation in which a mother finds the resources to parent the child that she gave birth to, is not the same thing as a dead baby, and making that comparison is incredibly disrespectful to mother and child.

-- Adoptive parent [/quote]

+1 another adoptive parent.  If a parent is able to parent, or changes their mind (within a reasonable time frame like Maryland's 30 day revocation period), they should be encouraged to parent.   Then, that child was not meant to be yours.  It is a very difficult experience to have a child taken from you you prepared to parent, but its a very different experience.  It can be equally devastating, but not a loss in a still born.

We've had some horrific stuff happen in our adoption.  Nothing is even comparable.[/quote]

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