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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I've seen it go both ways.  I have relatives who seem to be closer after having kids.  I also have relatives who seem to be worse off after having kids.

But the thing is, in all of those situations, there were clear signs before they had kids.  The ones who are closer were already a pretty good match.  And having kids was a goal all of those couples shared.

The ones who are worse off weren't great before the kids came around.  So it's really no surprise.

I think that couples who know each other well, are accepting of each other's flaws, have learned to work through that, and are both equally on board with having kids seem to do just fine.

Couples who were mainly together out of physical attraction or to avoid being alone and who never reached a point of addressing weak points in their relationships didn't do so well.

And I also know some older couples who completely fell apart after the kids grew up.  So I also think there are couples who *only* do well with kids (because they exist for the kids) and find they don't really have anything in common once you remove that shared goal.

I don't think you can make any general statements about what kids do to a relationship because there are so many variables.

I kind of think that relationships that fail after having kids would have failed eventually anyway.  The kids just sped up the process.  [/quote]

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