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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, that sounds is hard and is not going to get easier. Have you and your sisters considered ECHO housing, e.g. a larger trailer or similar on one of your local sisters' property? That would at least make it easier to care for her when she is just in the backyard, and also mean no extra house to maintain.[/quote]

This is OP.  Thanks for this idea.  This is actually something that would work great in the rural area where my sisters live, if my one sister with the acreage could manage the proximity.  All three of us find my mom clingy, needy and unwilling to do the least little thing for herself.

As far as the marriage breaking up yes I totally admit I still have issues related to this.  My parents were happy together and there was no abuse and no cheating.  As far as we can tell they both hit a midlife crisis, one of those "is this all there is?" things and my mom made a run for it.  My dad was blindsided.  Our family was shattered and all three sisters found it very hard to negotiate divorced parents as adults for the first time, especially since in my mom's rose colored glasses there was no reason we shouldn't be spending every single holiday with her.

As for the job thing, what single adult not living off a trust fund just quits because they don't want to work anymore?  Would you be okay if your kid did this?  The GS-5/7 job my mom had was very good for our area and with her education.  She was not going to find better.  She worked for the govt for less than 10 years--there is no big pension.  She went on a few trips and then she no longer had a reason to get up in the morning.  She failed to remake her life in any way--no activities, no new friends.  She just wants to be with her kids and she has a very difficult time accepting that we have lots of obligations and not unlimited time to spend with her.  She needs to take some responsibility for herself.

My DH's parents are 15 years older and we helped them downsize and move but it did not require the handholding and direction my mom requires.  And to compare, my dad is one year older than my mom and in fantastic shape and doing well.  There are women in my classes at the gym who are 70.  There is no reason she has to be like this except for benign self-neglect.[/quote]

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