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[quote=Anonymous]OP, it is time to decide what kind of relationship you want with this person and then create that relationship. As you say she has bad boundaries, but you can have good ones. You just need to define them. It's not easy, it took me years of therapy and an eventual confrontation with my dad to realize he'd never be the parent I wanted him to be...but the clarity I had after that was such a better feeling than the jerked-around feeling I had before and that you have now.

If you want to cut her off, you can. You can do it in a text or you can do it with a slower fade. You owe this person nothing.

If you want to maintain SOME level of contact, you can do that, but it will involve not indulging behavior like her recent trip planning. e.g. a reply text: "Sorry, that is a really bad time for us to entertain visitors. Hope your tickets are refundable or you can make other plans. If you want to visit, coordinate the times with me first so we can avoid this happening again." Thing with this approach is she will always be pushing back for weak spots. How much of that do you want to deal with?[/quote]

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