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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have posted before about my mother who lives in another state, who abandoned me when I was a child and who has reached out after I had my two kids .  She has reached out via text messages all about herself and phone calls about herself.  She sends $20 gifts to my kids for Christmas and birthdays.  She often does not remember the names of my kids.  She is alone now in her life after spending it chasing after man after man (when that was happening she had no interest in me).  She has expressed some superficial regret over her behavior, but she blames her choices on everyone else.  She has no relationship with my sibling because of her toxic behavior.

Today's drama is that she texted me a few days ago after not talking for probably 8 weeks, saying she was going to New York with a friend.  Yesterday she said she changed her mind and was coming to DC.  I told her it was expensive to come here and to let me know when she had her plans.  Today she stated she had found a cheap hotel, and was hoping me and the kids would sight see with her.  I told her that the kids will be in school and it will be a busy time, but to make her plans and that the kids and I will try to meet up with her and her friend for at least one dinner.  She then says that she is coming alone and would like to see us.

I have not responded to her last text.  I felt a bit blindsided.  If you were coming here to visit me, then why not ask me if you can visit, instead of the whole other bit about traveling with a friend.  Also, September is not a great month with school and sports starting.  I also still have a napping child.

The bottom line, is that I don't really feel like having her visit.  She never visited me before ( even when I was a child), so why now do I have to take this on.  But if I don't, I feel bad, either way I end up feeling crappy. She wants me to give her a free pass on the past and I don't really want to be mean to a 75 year old (she doesn't have good boundaries).  I also don't really  want her coming around my 3 & 6 year old talking about how she is their Grandmother and confusing them since they have no relationship with her and don't really know anything about her since she is unreliable. [/quote]

I think you can do this on your terms. [b]Your children should have the chance to at least meet their grandmother. [/b]Dinner plans with a two hour window max. Drop her off at her hotel and you've done your part. [/quote]

This is such BS.  This woman isn't their grandmother. She is the genetic donor for OP. She abandoned OP and has no relationship with the kids.  She is a stranger. [/quote]

Seriously???? They will be scarred for life meeting with g-ma for 2 hours?  It is better than saying they never met her and wondering why. If she will be in town then meet up with her for an hour or two. Come on, regardless of how you feel the woman pushed you out of her womb and gave you life. I never had a real relationship with my father but I wouldn't deny her the opportunity to at least see his grandchildren.[b] It would just need to be on my terms[/b]. Mom realizes this is awkward. She went to the trouble of getting a hotel and is not demanding that you spend time with her. She is just hoping that you will let her see her grandkids. Please don't make this all about you. [/quote]

I just needed to add: with this kind of personality disorder, it's never on your terms. It's always on the narcissist's terms. If you don't go along with their manipulations and demands, you will pay.

My DH stood up to my mother over a minor issue early in our marriage. She cried and stomped and tantrummed for four hours and then didn't speak to me for 8 months. She told my father and my brother that my husband was beating me. My brother had to talk my dad out of driving 15 hours to rescue me. She told every single person in the family that I was homeless and living in a domestic violence shelter. She told my grandmother that she was going to put a stake through DH's "fat, black heart."

She got angry with me when DC was born because I wouldn't allow her to be in the L&D room. She broke all of the windows out of our car with a baseball bat while I was in L&D.

When I was 14, she burned down our house for the insurance money. She left my cat in the house because a dead cat made it look like an accident, not arson.

When I was 11, I told her that my swim team coach (a friend of hers) was sexually abusing me. He was shoving his hands under my suit. She beat the crap out of me and called me a little liar who was just trying to make trouble.

When my brother was 14, he hit by a car. He received a settlement of over $90,000. It was supposed to go in a trust fund until he was 18, but she spent it all on booze and drugs.

She smoked crack and got into fights with  my dad. One night she threw an end table through the picture window in our living room. She pulled a handgun and threatened to kill him, her kids, and herself.

I tried to kill myself twice (once at 12 and once at 14). She was so drunk and/or hungover that she never even noticed that I had overdosed. The second time I gave myself a small heart attack and she still didn't notice. No one even suggested that I didn't look well until my aunt saw me 3 days later. [/quote]

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