Reply to How do you deal with a situation that is affecting you but its really none of your business?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wait, how is this your brother in law, but your family (i.e., your father).  I'm not getting the dynamic.

I agree, it's early and a lot has to be sorted out - the kids are probably reeling.  But soon, and perhaps gradually, some lines are going to have to be drawn.   If they are coming to your house for dinner, after the next belch, excuse them from the table.

You need to strike a fine line of being welcoming, but firm.  So make alliances with the new wife, and gently let her know what is and isn't acceptable.  Reach out to the daughters and do one on one things.  Have whomever is closest to the BIL talk regularly to him.

The reason I ask how is the BIL related when it's your father is I wonder if the BIL has strong enough ties to the family.  Is he only participating because of his daughters?  If so, are there ways to suggest having daughters stay at family compound, without entire family needing to be there?  [/quote]

He is my husband's brother. It's my sides family home but extended family are welcome.

I think making an alliance with the new wife is a fantastic idea. We haven't had enough time to really become friends yet, but I think that might help. Thank you.

[/quote]

O.k.  So your parents are the ones who own this compound and this is your husband's brother's family?  If that is the case, I sort of think that these guests are you and your husband's responsibility.  You don't leave it up to your elderly parents to discipline these kids.  Your husband needs to have a man to man talk with his brother and let him know that they are welcomed there as guests but the kids are expected to behave respectfully.

I think that you and your husband should also make time away from YOUR family to spend time with your husband's brother's family.  Just HIS family.  [/quote]

"Disciplining" these boys has fallen mostly on me after my DH's talk with his brother fell flat. I guess thats why I finally broke and needed to vent. My father did take the one boy out of church but I'm usually left trying to make sure everyone else is comfortable why they melt down or misbehave. I've tried to get them to play games outside or go swimming. They just won't. Our family is very sporty - I just don't know what else to do. Their mother just says "Thats my boys" or "Boys will be boys" and if someone gets up and walks away or mentions something she cries to her DH and then he gets upset because people aren't being welcoming. It was just a nightmare of a summer.

We do spend a good deal of time with just DH's side. This summer thing is just unique. Even DH's parents come and stay a few weeks.

As for a girls night, well I have my nieces over a good deal of time. DH and I cared for them for almost the entire two years their mother was very ill. [/quote]

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