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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I wasn't prepared for the person I'd been with for 13 years, who I had always fundamentally believed was a decent guy, to turn into a raging asshole. We had always had a pleasant existence. Our initial break-up was sad, but not angry or spiteful. Then, when it came time to deal with all the practical concerns--housing, cars, furniture, etc. he was a complete prick. He did his best to hurt me in every way possible. And to actually screw me out of money/property. I was so taken aback, as were our mutual friends. No one would have suspected it based on his personality. (and it was his idea first to split!) I ended up just wanting to get away from the new pain he was causing me as soon as possible and so I got royally screwed on the "settlement" aspect of it. I guess I wish I could have just known that, despite the fact that he and I had said we were going to handle the breakup "like friends" that it's not necessarily true. Maybe I could have been more emotionally prepared and stood my ground on some things.

Good luck to you. Some of its very hard. And then you get through it. Ask yourself which is worse... the acute pain caused by divorce or the long-term chronic pain of an  unhappy marriage.[/quote]

I actually had exactly the opposite experience! I was absolutely certain that my decent-but-pretty-stubborn-and-self-righteous partner of 10 years would be a raging asshole. I expected him to fight me on everything from agreeing to the divorce in the first place to custody to support to property. And then he just didn't. We had a couple of really emotional conversations directly after I told him that I wanted a divorce, but then we sat down and came up with what we wanted out of our divorce. It boiled down to a list of stuff like "Don't fight about money" and "Have DD see us being nice to each other" and "Divide things up equally and fairly" and then that's exactly what happened. I had spent a lot of time and a $5,000 retainer lining up a hardcore lawyer anticipating a big fight that simply never occurred.

Our divorce was certainly not without issues and I will not claim that we never had any contentious conversations, that we never disagreed or lost our tempers with each other, etc. But we managed to keep our eyes on the prize. I am really proud that DD has never seen us fight and that neither of us shit-talked the other to her. We have also managed our post-divorce relationships in pretty good ways. I have my quibbles with his and he has his quibbles with mine, but our partners are very much integrated into our coparenting relationship and everyone is on board with doing whatever is best for DD.[/quote]

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