Reply to DH wants to cut ties with his family, support or no?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's really hard to say without having a deeper understanding of his reasoning. It's one thing to cut family off because they are doing things to hurt you and continue to overstep the boundaries you set very clearly and explicitly, so that cutting them off is the only way to keep them from continuing to hurt you. If he's cutting them off instead of doing the hard work in therapy to set those boundaries, or to accept that they're not the kind of parents he wants them to be but they have redeeming value if he can come to appreciate what they do offer and not expect anymore, he perhaps needs to do more work before making that decision.

But in the end, it's his decision to make, and unless you think he's doing harm to himself, your, your kids (if any), etc., I think it's best to be supportive and be someone he can trust to be on his team.[/quote]

This is a good answer. You do need to stand back and let him make this decision himself, because it's his, and he'll have to live with the consequences within himself. He has to feel it was all his decision, whatever he does.

My husband has been in intensive therapy for a couple of years, and comes from a toxic, abusive, no-boundaries, shame-shoveling family. He's trying to learn to set boundaries and become mindful of all the buttons they push in him, but it would kill him to cut them off. I'm supportive, but it's rough, because I feel like we expend a lot of time and energy trying to undo the damage from them. We're around them a lot. [/quote]

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