Reply to SIL lost baby at 20 weeks, we were due 2 weeks apart

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Reply to "SIL lost baby at 20 weeks, we were due 2 weeks apart"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote][b][quote=Anonymous]Treat it the same way you would treat it if he child died after birth.  It's a death of a child.  It should be treated with the same gravity.

I think sending condolences now is a must.  In the future, you could send her a longer note about how sorry you are she's had such a wretched thing happen.  Acknowledge that you realize your own pregnancy might make things awkward and that that's ok.  You will follow her lead moving forward.  Tell her you love her, you are thinking of her, and that you loved her baby.

[b]And then stop being a brat and take whatever she dishes.  She's been through hell.[/quote][/quote][/b]

This is a very difficult situation but I have to say I strongly disagree.   I have lost a baby due to late miscarriage and yes, it was very painful.  But I never felt the right to dish out anything.  My sister had a baby 2 months after I lost mine and I never felt there was a connection.  I have felt the pain but really do not understand this license to behave badly.  People were kind to me.  Some said shitty things.  They did not mean it.  I think it helped that I did not get pregnant again right away. It was my first and I waited 18 months before I got pregnant again.  It was a complicated pregnancy but everyone was fine and did not walk on eggshells, which is what I wanted.

I am very sorry for your sister in laws loss.  Yes, you need to give her space but you are also entitled to your joy.  [/quote]

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