Reply to SIL lost baby at 20 weeks, we were due 2 weeks apart

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, this was me exactly with my SIL, only I was the one who lost my baby. It was horrific. The entire situation was exacerbated because her ongoing pregnancy/now-child served as a constant reminder of my loss. I could not bring myself to go to the christening.

In fact, I've just met her daughter at age one. I was very good and didn't cry in front of everyone,  but I sobber behind closed doors.

Just be gentle with her. Know that your joy is the realization of her loss. She will likely never get over her pain.[/quote]

Were you honest in explaining why you waited so long to meet the baby? I assume so. But did that add to the awkwardness?[/quote]

I didn't really think I needed to explain anything . Im sure she could put 2 plus 2 together.  However, there was an overall awkwardness for everyone in the family any time I was in the same room with her little one. No one said anything but the tension was palpable.

It's only been a year so maybe things will change in the future. But for me now it is still fresh pain and still very hurtful. I didn't want to hear about her delivery or anything afterward.  I mean, I had my own delivery at 24 weeks but it was not a joyous event. Maybe I am being a bitch about the whole thing but I can't help the way I feel.

[/quote]
No I don't think you are being a bitch at all. I am sorry for what happened.
Thanks for answering. [/quote]

You aren't being a bitch at all. Loss is painful. But I will say that if every family event has palpable tension or is awkward if you are in the room with this child (or possibly any child)? Then that might be something you want to try to work through with the help of a pro, not "for" your family as much as for yourself because that dynamic sets you up to never be able to really heal. :([/quote]

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