Reply to SIL lost baby at 20 weeks, we were due 2 weeks apart

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, this was me exactly with my SIL, only I was the one who lost my baby. It was horrific. The entire situation was exacerbated because her ongoing pregnancy/now-child served as a constant reminder of my loss. I could not bring myself to go to the christening.

In fact, I've just met her daughter at age one. I was very good and didn't cry in front of everyone,  but I sobber behind closed doors.

Just be gentle with her. Know that your joy is the realization of her loss. She will likely never get over her pain.[/quote]

Were you honest in explaining why you waited so long to meet the baby? I assume so. But did that add to the awkwardness?[/quote]

I didn't really think I needed to explain anything . Im sure she could put 2 plus 2 together.  However, there was an overall awkwardness for everyone in the family any time I was in the same room with her little one. No one said anything but the tension was palpable.

It's only been a year so maybe things will change in the future. But for me now it is still fresh pain and still very hurtful. I didn't want to hear about her delivery or anything afterward.  I mean, I had my own delivery at 24 weeks but it was not a joyous event. Maybe I am being a bitch about the whole thing but I can't help the way I feel.

[/quote]

I went through the same thing with my SIL, we were both expecting girls, less than a month apart.  I lost my pregnancy and was devastated.  With the best of intentions she made it so much worse by sending an email that said every hurtful thing a well meaning person can say to someone who experience a miscarriage. (many other threads on this hot topic).  It was very hard. I could not face visiting when her baby was due.   She included me in a group email to the family with pictures and it just happened to come on what would have been my due date. I lost it on her. She felt terrible.  6+ years later I am very close to my niece.

Give her space and give it time. Do not feel compelled to say anything to make her feel better.  Let you brother know you care and take their cues.  [/quote]

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