Reply to So how hard is it really to be a single mother (by choice)?

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Reply to "So how hard is it really to be a single mother (by choice)?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You have a lot going on already.  I know that pursuing single motherhood by choice is all-consuming (adoption, in my case) and I would assume ending a marriage is overwhelming, too.

If you are going to do this, you have to act now.  I had always set 40 as the age that I would start pursuing motherhood if I didn't find Mr. Right, but 40 came and went and I didn't get serious for a few years and then adopted in my mid-40s, and I was very lucky.  I can't emphasize enough how much time this all takes, whether you are going to have your own child or adopt.

It sounds like your parents are supportive, so that's a good thing, especially given the money issues you may have.  I was lucky enough to have a consistent caregiver for many, many years, and we essentially raised DC together.

Still, one thing that I didn't expect was the loneliness of single motherhood, especially in the beginning, when your child's needs are constant and they can't yet talk.  It gets better once your child becomes an "interactive" person, but the loneliness - and lack of ability to go out at all, even to run to the drugstore - did take me by surprise.

But it has all been worth it, that's for sure.

Good luck.[/quote]

I'm not really a going-out person to begin with, so I figure I can rot alone or I can have someone to whom I can give my love and energy. I think that not having someone to love would be lonelier than not having anyone to love me. My husband loves me and I still feel lonely.

I already have almost all the newborn baby gear I need, as I had already collected it all before my last pregnancy ended. So that's taken care of, and I've learned where to get more stuff on the cheap or for free when I need it. I'll take anything secondhand. But I would feel terrible, as a PP discussed earlier, not being able to give an older child what she wants because we can't afford it. Of course, I could end up meeting someone else, but I remember what's out there in the dating world and I figure I need to be okay with being alone before I exit my marriage. [/quote]

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