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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A few years back my brother married. We (family) weren't very fond of his choice and we were warranted in feeling the way that we did, but we knew it wasn't our business and so we didn't rock the boat. Things became strained with them both and they were headed for a divorce. Our family doesn't believe in divorce so we encouraged him to work it out. (I don't regret this) A few months later she began to change. At first I didn't think it was genuine but a year later and she's doing pretty well. Fast forward to the present...she's almost the sil I have always wanted yet I can't get pass the past. I'm embarrassed that I stress out so much when she's around. She makes my heart race when she texts me or if I hear anything about her. I'm an anxious person but this is really bad. She's not the girl that I would have wanted for my Brother. But she's not a monster. How can I get past this? Time? Does anyone have any idea? I'm feeling pretty crummy. Everyone else in the family has gotten over it and moved on. Me I'm just pretending...
We are a close family. We will be together soon for a week. I need to get it together. 
[/quote]

OP, a couple of thoughts.

First, if she and your brother don't know you still feel this way, then you are doing great. Sometimes we have to "just pretend" in our relationships. Are you nice to her? If so, keep that up and your thoughts will follow
I also wonder, how well do you really know her? How much time do you spend with her? If she is in your brother's life for good (we hope), then it behooves you to start strengthening a bond. Can you spend some time alone with her? Go on a shopping trip, out to lunch, weekend getaway? Just talk to her. Stop thinking of her as YOUR SIL and just view her as a person you are enjoying being around now.

If she has changed like you said she has, and their marriage is back on track, then she is doing something right and admirable. She has more than likely let go of some things in your brother's past, as well, and moved on from there. You could learn from her.[/quote]

I appreciate your insight. They definitely don't know how I feel. Good advice to stop looking at her as a SIL. I could make an effort to spend time with her. My heart isn't in it. But perhaps that's a start.[/quote]

It's not only a start, it's the only way! You have built this up much more in your mind, as opposed to what is reality.  She's just another person, with the same insecurities, fears, capacity for fun, that you have.

Reach out to her. Suggest the two of you do .... something. Play tennis, go shopping, whatever. Then just go and enjoy that activity, that day, whatever you are doing. Ask her about her job, her friends, her interests. Tell her about your life. Baby steps, but I promise (from past experience) that this will work.

You can do this, OP. And you will be very, very glad that you did.[/quote]

Thank you. I will make an attempt during the family vacation. I am really a person of peace. I feel so stressed over disliking her! Ugh! So time consuming and stressful it is! [/quote]

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