Reply to Slow fading / Ghosting in long-term relationships

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP you are still putting up with too much. He ghosts then that's it, it's over. You tell him you are done and mean it. You should have ended it when there was someone else. You need to learn to protect yourself.[/quote]

Also he is ghosting because he doesn't want to break up with you. He wants you to be on the back burner. It is you that has to say no and walk away.[/quote]

I'm a pp who said that I ghosted my ex but maybe he's the one who was ghosting me and I just responded by cutting off all communication.  Looking back, we had long "honeymoon" stretches where we spent most of our free time together and then he would sort of fade away for stretches and go off and do his own thing being very distant.  I would start to go out with my friends and meet new guys and the next thing you know, HE would be back charming me and making me feel terrible for meeting/dating/hooking up with other guys.  As soon as he had me back, off he would drift again.  It was very dysfunctional.

He never gave me the silent treatment.  It's not like he was mad at me - it was just that he loved me almost to obsession at times and then for no apparent reason he would drift away like smoke. And I could be free for a while.  Then as soon as I was enjoying life without him, not really looking for him anymore he would show back up on the scene...and draw me back in mainly because we had a history together and he knew me well, knew what made me tick.

It still bothers me that I put up with that for as long as I did.  When I ended it I knew that I needed to really be serious about it and not talk to him again.  He wasn't a bad person and I wasn't a total door mat (trust me, I have never argued with anyone like I argued with him) but something about the combination of how we worked together was so dysfunctional.  Looking back I just don't understand how I could have been so...stupid.

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