Reply to I had an emotional affair but now I'm ready to divorce my wife because she can't get over it

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We had a very rough 2013-14 (emotionally). We became very disconnected and our lives took different turns. Wife's career and social life stagnated and we drifted apart and made new friends and almost became like roommates rather than a married couple. I became friends with a woman and we chatted and texted a lot. Long story short, it ended, wife found out. We've been going to counseling and trying to work it out and wife says she wants us to work at it but it's obvious she can't let go is very angry with me. For not just the EA, but "abandonment" as she calls it and our relationship failures. This hangs over my head daily and quite frankly I'm tired of feeling like shit. I was willing to do it for 3 or 6 months but now I just dread being around her. Instead of trying to want to work at it and make it better I want to not be in the same room with her because she constantly belittle and nag and say "too bad you brought us to this place". Today is the final straw. I thought we had a good morning, I had to leave early for a meeting and as soon as I get into my office and here is an email that says "I don't think you're trying hard enough". I left the house at 630am to meet with a potential client. How much harder must I try?  I'm excusing my part in this or not willing to grovel but all the time, every day. I know this is a female based site and most of you will not be sympathetic to a "philandering male" but objectively, am I wrong to feel like this? To feel like all my efforts at restitution are not enough and maybe we just have too much shit built up? Im hanging on for the kids. If it was just the 2 of us I would absolutely recommend a quick divorce. We're early to mid 30s and could easily start over again with a new partner.

Sorry for this long, jumbled, incoherent mess, but I'm seriously at my wits end. [/quote]

Honestly, it doesn't sound like you're really trying that hard.  You don't seem to actually be trying to understand your wife's feelings here.  She has a right to feel hurt and betrayed by your actions, and those feelings are going to take a very long time to resolve, maybe even years.  If you know right now that you can't stick it out for years during hard times - which you've kind of already proven by having the EA in the first place - you need to file for divorce.

If you honestly want to try to work it out, stay in counseling.  I also recommend survivinginfidelity.com.  There is a forum for cheating spouses there that you might find helpful.  They will help you dig through your shit and find healing.[/quote]

You were willing to suffer for 3-6 months but now her done being remorseful?  Now you want to forget about it and play happy family again?  This is how I'm reading it.[/quote]

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