Reply to Receiving insulting emails from in-laws

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Receiving insulting emails from in-laws"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well, I think if it were me, I would probably send an e-mail to each of them separately that is something along the lines of as follows:

“I am really taken aback by your [e-mails/texts/etc.] I really like you, and thought that we had a good relationship. We don’t see each other as often as I would like, but we’ve only known each other for a few years, and I looked forward to our relationship growing over the rest of our lifetimes. I’ve tried to keep in touch as best I can while working, moving, and raising a baby, and have made an extra effort to make sure that you are a part of our child’s life.

I am offended and hurt by the way you’ve raised these issues with me. While I hear you say that you’re just trying to build your relationship with me, calling me things like [insert] is entirely out-of-line. I don’t think its fair, and it is also not productive. Insulting me is not a way to sustain a relationship with me or [DH]. What you said recently is not going to help us to become closer; it is going to set our relationship back. Frankly, I think you owe me an apology.”

After I send the e-mail, I’d try to avoid two opposite things:

First, don’t pull away and react incredibly harshly to them, or cut off all ties. You seem like you’re going to want them in your family’s life, for better or worse, so even though they were complete assholes, I wouldn’t lash out at them. It won’t be productive or make you feel much better, and it will convince them that some of what they said was correct.

Second, I also would try hard not to change my own behavior to reward their awful behavior. Keep up the updates and Facetime calls. Still offer to invite the niece over, etc. But don’t re-write our own boundaries in response to being bullied. Just live your life.

And thank DH for being so supportive!

P.S. I would not make your DH do the talking for you. They’ll just use that as evidence you are standoffish.
[/quote]

OP here. This is great advice, thank you. And I think you're right about the two "don't do's". They will totally take that as a "see, we were right about her!" The problem with the second "don't" is that what I was doing with the texts/face time etc was clearly not working in terms of giving them what they wanted. How do I continue the status quo, when they clearly want more/different, but I was giving all I could? [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics