Reply to My friend keeps scolding my children

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Reply to "My friend keeps scolding my children"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I would do everything you do, worth the exception of encouraging my child to stay at the table if others are still eating.  But, a 4-year old is not going to be perfect, and I tHi I you also have to be reasonable.  If the other child is taking 40 minutes to finish their food, your Dc should not be made to wait that long.

Your friends sound anxiously perfectionistic to the point that they parent in an authoritarian way., i.e parents set  rules without regard to children's needs or age appropriate capabilities.  a lot of studies have shown that children parented this way grow up to have a lot of issues and problems?  However, permissive parenting - where there are no consistent, clear rules or boundaries -- is just as bad.  Authoritative parenting is the just right middle, where parents set loving boundaries and limits, I,e, take the child's needs, preference, and developmental capabilities into account as they coach and discipline,

you sound like a thoughtful person, but you do come across as rather insecure and uncertain about your boundaries.  Someone who wasn't would have had no hesitation about telling their friend to back off.  and children who are gently raised are more sensitive to harsh words and treatment, so I totally get that your friend's behavior would have upset them.  What I don't get is why you weren't able to respond in the moment, and why you had to come to DCUM to get validation that it is okay to do so.

Try reading a few books that outline why gentle parenting is so important.  I think that will help succor you until you find some more likeminded friends.  Daniel Siegel's book No Drama Discipline, Susan Stiftelman's Parenting Without Power Struggles, and Laura Markham' Peaceful Parent, Happy Kid ( as well as her website ahaparenting.com) are helpful places to start. 
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