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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm surprised at how so many people are critical of their moms.

I've always really admired my mom and looked up to her.  She had a very successful position in sales at a major company and only recently retired.  She was very loving but didn't have a lot of extra time and I often missed her so much.  But she just kind of expected good behavior and didn't have to monitor my brother and me too much because we didn't give her much grief.  And my dad was great too.

So I'd pretty much just do the same with my kids, except that the world is a bit different now, and my kids seem to need a bit more guidance than my brother and I did.[/quote]

I am critical of my mother in the same way I am critical of myself and others.  I would never tell her outright that she was a horrible parent, because she wasn't completely, but she did make several glaring mistakes.

My mother was physically, mentally and emotionally abusive to me the entire time I was growing up.  She was mentally and emotionally abusive to my brother and sister.  Yes, I feel that deserves criticism, and it has shaped the way I act around kids.  While I don't mind spanking in general, as my grandmother and great-grandmother were excellent role models for doing it correctly, I am well aware that those abused are more likely to become abusers, so I won't lay a hand on a child in that manner.

My mother put too much responsibility on all three of her children, but especially my sister and I (brother was a few years younger).  By the time I was 8 and my sister was 7, my mother was working 40-50 hours a week and also going to school full time.  My father wasn't paying the measly $200/month for child support.  My sister and I ran the household, with some help from my brother.  My mother left some days at 3am for work and other days she would get home at 10.45pm after her late class.  She tried her best, and I credit her for that, but she put too much on us.

Finally, she wavered between absolute control and no limits.  I remember stretches of time when we had exactly 8 minutes to walk home from school before my mother would call to let us know the evening schedule down to the minute, and we weren't allowed out the front door until she got home.  Other times, I distinctly remember her saying that she didn't care, she never wanted kids anyway.

Overall, I know that growing up the way I did, I can handle being hungry, working until I'm beyond exhausted and in whatever conditions exist.  I also know how to stand up for myself, because my siblings and I finally worked up the gumption to talk to her during the summer between 8th and 9th.  I know that she's trying to repair what she did, and I'm willing to credit her that, even when it hurts more to dredge up old hurts.

I will never be my mother.  I have been working my whole life to be nothing like her, and that's ok.  She understands that she wasn't a good mom, but she also knows she did her best.  Before you judge others for being critical, maybe you should consider that perhaps they are just as critical, or more, of themselves.[/quote]

PP here (the one who admires her mom).   Sorry to hear that things were so bad for you and your siblings growing up.  I put my foot in my mouth assuming people were being kind of hard on their moms.  I think I am just fortunate to have a great mom.  [/quote]

I didn't take your comment personally, but yes, some of us have reason to be critical.  I debated before posting, but I'm glad I did, and for what it's worth, I'm glad you had a great mother growing up.[/quote]

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