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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What I'm not hearing is, why? Why do tween/teen girls become so unpleasant? [/quote]

hormones[/quote]

I think it's more than hormones.  The expectations of middle school are increased; the social dynamics shift--rocking their confidence; they become more concerned about their bodies and appearance and boys; they have less adult supervision much of the time at this age so peers model poor behavior.  But mostly, I think the stress of "it all" pours out when they are safe at home.  To some degree we want to be that safe place and let them vent a bit, but you also have to set limits and enforce appropriate behavior.  [/quote]

That is basically what I was going to say as well.  They can feel more confident letting loose at home - but it's still okay to call them out on it.  They need to know it's not appropriate while at the same time saying you understand why they feel they way they do.

Never underestimate her power to refuse to go anywhere to cool off and to just get nastier

It seems to be the natural order of things. Otherwise you'd have ideas to keep them around forever like my friend with sweet 9 & 10 year olds has plans to do (she holds them so tight I feel stifled ).
My teen will be insulting and nasty and then make sure to sweetly call 'bye mom' the next minute when she leaves (and mean it). It's a wild ride 
She seems to have a very sensitive threshold for parental stupidity... It helps to not talk at all in front of others so as to not humiliate them (ha)
They are mostly just this way at home - otherwise there'd be no high schools at all as there would be no one willing to work there

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